One of my key interests is the question of how to develop a family identity. To do this, I want to develop the concept of a family holy place, a family temple.
As a quick recap of the motivation for this project, I think modern society promotes a form of transactional relationship that works well for interactions among strangers, but results in a barren social landscape if taken too far.
Building a Social Habitat
As an analogy, consider the difference between a rich jungle environment, and a zoo cell that has been stripped of all “inessential” elements:
By deconstructing our relationships (i.e., separating work, family, church, neighborhood, etc), our social landscape becomes as barren as an inhumane zoo environment. This isn’t to say that I am opposed to the modern economy. It’s just that modern zookeepers have found more humane ways to house animals, and modern social engineers should seek ways to mimic our natural social habitat.
In my view, the family is the most promising foundation for rebuilding a rich social habitat. And although this post is going to focus on a physical place, the real habitat I am referring to is a “landscape” of social relations and concepts. Specifically, the “natural habitat” of humanity is filled with complex social relationships — that is, relationships that exist on many levels and serve many functions.
When we start building complex relationships, we should start with the family. And an important part of building a family is to develop a concept of family, i.e., a family identity. That is, when I use the word family, I am not just talking about a group of people related by blood. I am talking about a psychological construct that forms a component of individual identity.
A family is a label we apply to ourselves that gives us a sense of stability and self worth. Furthermore, having a strong sense of family identity is a good foundation for building strong, lasting relationships. Consider one of my favorite songs to listen to with my daughter when she is going to sleep, called A Thousand Years:
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, and I will love you for a thousand more.
The family is something that makes us feel like we have been loved and anticipated for a thousand years, and will be loved and remembered for a thousand more.
The purpose of this post is to describe one way to help construct a family identity, namely, building a family temple. A family temple is a physical location that serves as a symbol of family identity. The reason I started the post with a picture of the temple in Jerusalem is that the power of that temple on the identity of one very large family (i.e., the Jewish people) was so strong that it helped sustain their identity over centuries and continents.
Physical Location
It is important that the family identity be embodied in a physical location, and that the location remain constant.
A shared physical location serves as anchor for an idea: that the family is eternal. Places can carry a sense of persistence because they existed before we were born and will exist after we die. To connect a family to a place can help imbue the family with some of the timelessness of place.
One of the things that got me thinking about the concept of a family temple is that in a modern transactional world, it is often necessary to more around from place to place at different points in our life to take advantage of economic or educational opportunities.
Moving from place to place is disorienting. I know. I moved around a lot as a child. But keeping one place constant when we move can create a fixed point for our identity.
In the LDS community there is a difference between a temple and a meetinghouse. A meeting house is where we meet regularly to conduct the day-to-day activities associated with spiritual growth. For a family, the current family home can be compared to the meetinghouse.
But a temple is something different. It is not necessarily the place where we meet on a weekly basis, but it is a place where we go occasionally to commune with the eternal. Similarly, a family temple need not be our current place of residence. Rather, it is a place that represents your highest aspirations as a family.
Pilgrimage
Since we may not always have the luxury of living in proximity to the family holy place, we may have to make special efforts to visit. In other words, we may need to make a periodic pilgrimage to establish our connection to the place.
In some cases, a pilgrimage can be structured by a set of norms and rituals. For example, members of the family can gather together at the family holy place at the same time. In other words, the pilgrimage can take the form of a family reunion.
I have a lot of great memories of family reunions from when I was young. They were essential in helping me feel connected to members of my extended family. However, we I don’t think the family really had a conscious sense that the purpose of a family reunion is not only to connect us to people, but to connect us to a place. And by connecting us to the place, we can be more strongly connected to the people.
Common Project
Aside from providing a fixed point for family identity, a family temple can be useful as a common project. Regardless of whether it has anything to do with a physical location, sharing a common project can be a powerful force in developing a shared identity. Plus, we can’t always exist at a fixed point. So sharing a project associated with a fixed place might be the best we can do.
As I mentioned previously, the temple in Jerusalem is a good example of a physical location that has helped to bind a people. But one interesting thing about the temple is that it doesn’t exist. And for a long time, the nation of Israel didn’t exist. But the fact that many people held the concept in their mind, and shared the common project of building the nation of Israel (and rebuilding the temple) contributed to helping the Jewish people retain their identity.
Furthermore, the project can be shared not only with multiple people at the same time, but across different generations. Sharing a project with people in the past and the future can help bind the generations and promote the sense of an eternal family.
If a temple is viewed as a common project, then it follows that the common project should be embodied in some kind of shared plans. What is the state of the family temple now? D we have a shared vision for it? What steps can we take toward that vision?
The concept of family temple as a shared project also emphasizes the fact that a family temple represents an unfinished business. While many of us have places that are important to our families, few of us have a place that generations of our family have invested in consciously as a holy place.
For me, this is part of the appeal. The concept of family is meant to be an anchor for our identity, but it is not a completed thing. Rather, family is an emerging technology that has to develop with changes in the world. And a family temple is a project that isn’t going to be handed down to us from previous generations. We have to be our own zookeepers — we have to build our own habitat so we can thrive in the modern world.
Planning and building a family temple is one concrete way we can do that. But what does it look like? I don’t know. That is up to you and your family.
