A few months ago, my brother recommended this book called The Power of Moments:
It talks about different elements that combine to create meaningful experiences:
- elevation
- insight
- pride
- connection
I thought it was interesting, and we had some conversations about it, but the concept didn’t really make much of an impact…until I started watching HBO’s new show, Succession. In my last post, Boar on the Floor, I talked about how the Patriarch of the family business (Logan Roy ) has the natural ability to create emotionally intense experiences:
Of course, he often relies on the emotions of fear and humiliation. Nonetheless, it got me thinking about the importance of creating emotionally meaningful experiences. It also reminded of how The Power of Moments defines the concept of elevation. Elevation means an experience that boosts sensory appeal, raises the stakes, or breaks the script. That’s Boar on the Floor!
Then I saw something else that drove home a similar point. Netflix has a new documentary out about the brain:
The first episode is about memory. Specifically, three things influence how we create memories:
- setting
- story
- emotion
One thing that Succession/Logan Roy does really well is provide a new and distinct setting for every episode. For example, the boar on the Floor episode takes place at a hunting lodge in Hungary. Another takes place at a hospital (as they debate what to do if Logan dies). Another takes place at a sibling’s estate in New Mexico. These exotic and interesting settings help create space for memorable moments.
The elevation kind of corresponds to the emotional aspect of memory. But what about the story?
Well, I have been obsessed with culture lately. Specifically, I have been contemplating the almost impossible task of passing on culture. To illustrate, consider how kids become “digital natives”. From the time my daughter was born, she has been exposed to various kinds of electronic devices. She knows how to open apps, fill in passwords, use voice commands, take digital photos, make video tutorials, and a whole bunch of other stuff that comes from growing up with such devices because she has many opportunities to practice these things and get immediate feedback (if something works, she gets to watch her show or take a picture, etc).
Now compare that to trying to pass on a family culture of, say, trying to maintain and grow wealth together with other family members. Sure, you can practice that occasionally, but there aren’t nearly as many opportunities to do it as there are to experiment with digital devices.
Then it hit me. There are two ways to pass on culture: patterns and moments. I have been focused a lot on patterns - the every day behaviors that lead to success. But what about moments? Moments create memories. Moments create identity. Therefore, moments create culture.
Till now, moments haven’t really been a part of my philosophy. But if I want to create and maintain a family culture, I am going to have to figure them out. Since I am not particularly intuitive at this kind of thing, I need a formula. So I might as well borrow a bit from The Power of Moments, and combine it with the research on how memories are created . Here’s a first draft:
- 1) identify the target audience
- 2) identify the behavior or change you want to see from them
- 3) bring them to a setting that is out of the ordinary
- 4) introduce a narrative that frames the upcoming experience
- 4) engage in an “elevating” experience that breaks them out of their normal range of emotion
- 5) provide some kind of insight that helps direct/interpret the experience
- 6) create an opportunity for them to make a commitment
The last one comes from the good old Mormon missionary handbook. Like a lot of other missionaries, I felt uncomfortable inviting people to make commitments at first. But eventually it became a habit, and it was essential. The ‘hard sale’ may be going out of style, but it is important to recognize that after an emotional experience people want to make a commitment. It helps make the experience to be meaningful/concrete. Maybe the key is finding a balance between inviting people to make the commitment you want and being sensitive to the commitment they need.
I am not really a natural salesman. I tend to focus more on strategy than moments. So I probably can’t really implement these tactics effectively on my own. But at least I have another tool (along with behavior patterns) that has the potential to help in my quest to create a family culture.
