Last weekend we tried to have a family movie night. It didn’t work. We tried to watch The Sound of Music, but our 4 yr old, Alberta, just wasn’t into it. She was all over the place, squirming and kicking and complaining.
After turning off the show a quarter of the way through, Mercedes turned to me and asked “How come she’s okay watching more mature shows with you?”
I do watch all kinds of shows with my daughter. Along with playing swords and (very) simplified versions of board games like Ticket to Ride, Diplomacy, and Dominion, it’s kind of our thing. But like the other games we play, watching TV with my daughter is an art.
So, what are my tricks?
First, we divide our TV time into two kinds: where she gets to choose and where we have to watch something that we both like. When it’s her turn, its her turn and I let her watch whatever she likes. When its her turn, I can be somewhat distracted, checking my phone, etc. If she complains, I say, well, why don’t we watch something that we both like? That’s when it’s time to introduce her to something more interesting.
Second, I don’t try to get her to watch a show the first time she sees it. We usually watch Netflix (there are a lot of great shows in the kids section for a wide variety of ages). When its time to watch something that we both like, I browse through shows and stop on one I think might be interesting. I make a comment about it and the trailer play for a while and then move on before she gets bored. If she says no, I move on immediately. But these shows tend to stick in her memory, and eventually she comes around and often requests to watch them unsolicited. There are some subtle things that appeal to her, and they can change on a moment to moment basis. Sometimes she loves princesses, sometimes she hates them, sometimes she is obsessed with zombies, sometimes they scare her…
Third, when I am watching a more mature show, I expect there to be a lot of talking. Alberta asks questions, and shares theories about what is happening. For example, yesterday we watched a show about a boy and his robot dog. It was probably aimed at young teenagers…a bit too mature for Alberta, but that is our sweet spot.
Alberta was obsessed with the parts where the dog saw people as either blue or red based on whether they were friends or enemies. There was a part where the boy was dancing with a girl, and the dog was evaluating their heart rate and when they got excited there was a little flush of red. Alberta noticed this immediately and had a lot of questions about it.
I also tend to challenge her with quite a few questions as well. I have to be careful about this, because sometimes she tells me to be quiet and just watch the show, but sometimes a well placed question or comment can seed an idea in her mind that helps her understand what is happening on her own terms. So sometimes I kind of develop a simplified narrative about what is going on analogous to the simplified rules that help her enjoy sophisticated games.
So that’s it. watching shows that are a little (sometimes a lot) outside her developmental range is one of the things I like to do with my daughter and I think it is a pretty enriching experience.
